Be Nourished

A Year of Being Nourished

By Amaya Villazan

Last week, I attended a wellness fair at a local university in which I hosted a table introducing people to Be Nourished along side co-founder and dietitian, Dana Sturtevant, MS, RD. I was tentative at first, nervous I wasn’t going to be able to properly explain and give insight into the tenets of Health At Every Size and Intuitive Eating. However, as I started talking to people, I was astounded by how much I had absorbed after only a year of working at Be Nourished. More importantly, I was completely inspired by the deep seated hunger in the community for an approach that fully embraces every human shape in all its perfection and the growing desire to let go of destructive dieting and embody a more positive and sustainable path toward health and weight neutral self-care.

I spoke with one young woman who came by our table after having visited a table hosted by a certain dieting program. She had just spoken with someone there about her body mass index and how their plan could offer her a way to reach her ideal size and stay that way. She shared with me that she had spent years of yo-yo dieting without the results she so desperately strived for. When I started explaining the concept of Intuitive Eating and that health does not need to equate a number on the scale, her eyes lit up.  It was though she had been waiting to hear those words her whole life and had no idea it was even a possibility.  It was a beautiful moment to witness.

Over time, I’ve witnessed countless friends, myself included, struggle with an ingrained ideal of beauty; constant comparing, constant vigilance over food, constant feelings of inadequacy hidden behind a false image of confidence.  I talked about mindful living and acceptance but would then go home and stare at myself in the mirror wishing my body was different, that this was less, that that was more. But now a shift has happened. My eyes have been opened. A year ago I was looking for a job to help pay my rent and support my habit as an actor and singer. Instead, I was given the keys to a radical path toward self-love and sustainable health.  My body and I are very grateful.

Amaya Villazan is the office coordinator at Be Nourished. When she's not organizing events and assisting in spreading the message of HAES and  Intuitive Eating, she is performing as an actor and singer/songwriter in the Portland area. To hear about her upcoming performances and to listen to her music, please visit www.amayavillazan.com.

The Size of Your Doctor?

By Hilary Kinavey, MS, LPC

Did you see this little article in the New York Times magazine on 3/18/12?

"How Fat Is Your Doctor" By Hope Reeves

"In addition to the hassles and indignities they face on a daily basis, it turns out that overweight people also may not make very good doctors — at least when it comes to treating overweight patients. Researchers at Johns Hopkins University surveyed 500 primary-care physicians and found that doctors who battled the bulge themselves (those with a body-mass index of 25 or above) were less likely to recognize fatness or offer their patients diet tips. Basically,says the researcher Sara Bleich, “your doctor is unlikely to diagnose obesity or have weight-loss discussions with you if they weigh more than you.” Thin doctors, typically, seem to be just freaking perfect."

This weight-biased data suggests that the discussions regarding weight in doctors offices across this country are actually helpful at producing change.  It also suggests that the discussions between doctors in larger bodies and their patients are not happening and those patients are somehow missing out on some important information.

Hmmmm? 

It has been my experience that many of my “overweight” clients are actually having second thoughts or actively avoiding medical care to steer clear of the recognition of fatness that is referred to in this article. Some work diligently to find medical practitioners who are willing to entertain discussions with patients of all sizes that involve sustainable and weight-neutral self-care.  Most don’t know where to turn, but certainly would like to avoid the sometimes shaming and often unproductive recommendations regarding weight loss. 

In fact, the research on weight bias through the Yale Rudd Center is showing that the most reported incidence of weight bias that people experience is coming from healthcare practitioners and family members.  Weight bias research shows the more bias someone experiences, the more times they will try to cope with that bias through overeating, dieting and other shame inducing methods that do not support sustainable health behaviors. (Puhl and Brownell, 2006/2007)

We also know, from research on Intuitive Eating, that women who can approach their bodies with some acceptance are more likely to eat healthy (Tylka, 2006).  Making assumptions about a person based on their weight, even in a clinical setting, has not necessarily encouraged sustainable health behavior change, and has often done the opposite, producing more shame and potential alienation. 

This article, in it’s own tongue in cheek way, suggests that finding a medical professional who mirrors your experience may be the way to go to avoid stigma. I also believe that sharing your needs and expectations with your medical professionals is one of the most important ways you can participate in your own care.

Linda Bacon, in Health at Every Size offers a letter that patients can offer to their health care providers that discusses a sensitive care approach for people of all sizes.

If you have or know of a provider that you have received compassionate or weight-neutral care from, we’d love to know. We are compiling a referral list! Email amaya@benourished.org with the name and contact information.

Mindfulness and Mothering

By Anne Meneakis, LCSW

Wouldn’t it be marvelously healthy and wonderful to have monthly national “unplug” days, where our phones are shut down, email and all electronic devices are turned off, and our maternal “to do” lists transform into a mother’s single-item, “to be” list? And the hugely important question, “How do I want to be with my children?” would be given its due honoring, time and space.

If fans of Shakespeare would pardon me, how “to be,” really does seem to capture the crucial question of those of us parenting in this decade. How to be with our children as we work so hard to nurture and raise them as we truly wish to; how to be with our children when moments of normal parenting stress or challenges arise and our humanness gets in the way of being the kind of parents we long to be; how to be with our children as we juggle vast and distracting schedule demands in an over paced culture; how to be with our children, so that they may learn to be with others – empathetic and kind. These to be moments, moments of be-ing, are all moments with the potential for mindfulness, for mothering mindfully.

“Mindfulness is at the heart of nurturing relationships. When we are mindful, we live in the present moment and are aware of our own thoughts and feelings and also are open to those of our children.” – In “Parenting from the Inside Out,” by attachment expert and child psychiatrist, Daniel L. Siegel, M.D. and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.1

Even if we don’t get a day of unplugged time, one of the wonderful things about the practice of mindfulness is that it can be practiced for as little as 5-10 minutes a day with a resulting shift in our interactions with our children and loved ones, a shift towards greater awareness of what is happening inside ourselves, and inside our children’s minds and hearts. Our interactions with our children then have a more abundant loving intentionality of how we wish to be with them. Mindfulness can be practiced in sitting meditation, or while walking, brushing our teeth, or chopping broccoli.

There are so many of those “I wish moments” in parenting. “Oh, I wish I had kept calmer and more patient when trying to get my son to school on time;” “I wish I had been less distracted when my daughter wanted to play with me,” or “I wish I had reserved that afternoon for just my children and myself.” Even in our better parenting moments, mis-attunement is a natural phenomenon. As we integrate mindfulness into our daily lives, such “I-wish” moments happen less often. We are more able to set limits on schedules that take away from relationship-building with our children. Our awareness and attunement increase, and our relationship with our children deepens.

“When we are being fully present as parents, when we are mindful, it enables our children to fully experience themselves in the moment….“It is within our children’s emotional connections with us that they develop a deeper sense of themselves and a capacity for relating.” Daniel L. Siegel, M.D. and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.2

What about the moments where we are more than mildly mis-attuned with our children? When parenthood presents moments of more difficult challenge from our own stress, or when a child’s behavior presses buttons we didn’t know we had, parenting strategies or child development theories alone are not helpful.

“When tired, hungry, frustrated, disappointed, or angered, we can lose the ability to be reflective and become limited in our capacity to choose our behaviors. We may be swept up in our own emotions and lose perspective. At these times, we can no longer think clearly and are at high risk of overreacting… It is so important that we try to be aware of our own emotional processes and respect their central role in both our internal and interpersonal lives…When we are [mindful and thus] flexible, we have a choice about what behaviors to enact and what parental approach and values to support.” –(Siegel & Hartzell)3

The practice of mindfulness can be so very helpful in these moments. It helps decrease our moments of unregulated unmindful speaking to our children, and helps us stop and pause and re-direct ourselves more quickly when such human, unskillful moments arise. When we are able to stay present in the moment, we create a neurological capacity in the brain, a flexibility of mind to pause, and become aware of our emotions and internal experiences and states. We become more aware of and able to consider the emotions and internal experiences of others, of our children. We can then thoughtfully and intentionally follow through on the strategies or parent-child interactions which belong not to reactive irritability or distracted absence of mind, but to our values of how we wish to mother our children - our best of mother intentions which arise in our calmer, wiser, reflective moments.

Mindful and loving parent-child interactions that teach and nourish our children, and raise them to be resilient, thriving adults, can be a part of parenting for any of us, even if our memories of our own childhood were not particularly happy ones. The neuroscience research outlined in Dr. Susan Smalley’sbook, “Fully Present”4,5 and Dr. Siegel’s “Parenting from the Inside Out,” demonstrates the brain’s ability to grow new neuronal pathways, which make possible a new capacity to reduce old stress responses and increase our resiliency in stressful moments. We are thus able to create new, mindful, attuned ways of responding to our children in times of stress, or difficult emotions.

In practicing the non-judgmental noting of what arises within us, and responding with acceptance, mindfulness enables us to cultivate a more compassionate understanding with ourselves. As we become more mindful and compassionate with ourselves, we not only create a deeper, more meaningful life for ourselves, we role-model such awareness and self-compassion for our children. As our children receive non-judgmental compassion from us, our children can learn to create that compassion in their relationship with themselves and with others.

“It is within our children’s emotional connections with us that they develop a deeper sense of themselves and a capacity for relating….”(Siegel and Hartzell)6

So the gift of this parenting art of mindfulness, with its practice of compassion and awareness, becomes for us a gift of a deeper understanding of ourselves and a deeper relationship with our children. And that gift of deeper, richer connection between our selves and our children becomes the gift of a step towards a more mindful, more connected world.

About the author: Anne Meneakis, LCSW is a counselor in private practice in SE Portland. She will be offering a Mindful Mothering Workshop at Be Nourished, on Sunday, April 15th from 10 a.m.to 2 p.m. This workshop will include a blend of mindfulness meditation instruction, as well as journal writing and affirming, supportive group discussions - all on mothering mindfully. We will unplug, create and share our “to be” list. No prior meditation experience is required. The workshop is equally fitting for new moms as well as moms with older children.

Anne has worked in the mental health/counseling field for over 24 years. She provides couplescounseling, parent coaching and individual counseling with an emphasis on women’s relationship,parenting and emotional wellness concerns. You can reach Anne at 503-349-6152. For more information about Anne you may also click here.

1,2,3,6) Footnotes: Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding can help you Raise Children Who Thrive: Siegel, Dani M.D. and Hartzell, Mary, M.Ed., Tarcher/Penguin (2003)
4,)Footnotes: Fully Present The Science Art and Practice of Mindfulness: Smalley, Susan L , Ph.D and Winston Diana, De Capo Press (2010
5) Footnotes: Fully Present The Science Art and Practice of Mindfulness: Smalley, Susan L , Ph.D and Winston Diana, De Capo Press (2010JM Greeson, “Mindfulness Research Update:2008.” Completmentary Health Practice Review (2009):10-18; A. Chiesa and A Serretti,:Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction for Stress Management in Health People: A review and Meta-Analysis, “Journal of Alternative andComplementary Medicine (2009)593-600; P.Grossman,L. Niewman, S. Schmidt and H. Walach, “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction andHealth Benefits. A Meta-Analysis,” Journal of Psychosomatic Research (2004): 35-43.

I'm Not Good (Smart, Funny, Thin) Enough

By Cayla Panitz, MA

Brené Brown says that, “Knowledge is important, but only if we’re being kind and gentle with ourselves as we work to discover who we are.” For many of us, our inner critic gets in the w

ay of this process. You know the inner critic: That part of you that says you do not get a choice to be treated kindly by yourself. The part that tells you that YOU are not smart enough. Funny enough. Thin enough. It tells you that who you are right this minute is not good enough. And never will be. That somehow you are not worthy. The inner critic is best buddies with shame.  These two powerful forces tag team and make us think they are right. They remind us how much we have relied on them, how much we need them.

When we follow the path of the inner critic, we lose access to our True Self. Who we are becomes not enough. Sometimes we believe the inner critic so much that we forget that IT is NOT all of who we are.  The inner critic then robs us of vitality and connection, of being alive. Often, the inner critic blames us for negative emotions-it tells us we feel this way because we are not good enough. This perfectionist attitude removes us from what it is like to be human. It blocks our ability for self-compassion. When we think we are “not enough” we become disengaged from being connected, authentic, and vulnerable with others and with ourselves.

The good news is that we don’t have to be under the spell of the inner critic. There are different strategies to combat the inner critic and become more connected to our core selves. Self-awareness can lead to greater self-compassion, connection and a kinder, gentler, more accepting You. When we release our self-loathing and hatred and the idea that we will never measure up, we realize that, like everyone else, we are not perfect. That worthiness has no prerequisites. And we begin to become our true authentic selves now. Right this minute. As is.

Join us on April 7th for our Body Trust Network to further explore the functions of the inner critic, what it means to get in touch with your true authentic self, and how self-awareness can lead to greater self-compassion and connection.  

“A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” –Christopher Germer

How light is too light?

A few weeks ago I went to heat up an Amy’s frozen meal for lunch – roasted polenta with swiss chard.  “Yum,” I thought.  Then I realized when I opened the box that this was an “Amy’s light & lean” frozen meal, which translated to 140 calories with 4 grams of fat.   “Yikes,” I thought, “I’m going to be hungry in an hour!”

I love Amy’s frozen meals for the occasional day when I don’t have anything else to take for lunch.  They taste good and when you look at the ingredient list, you don’t have to get out a chemical dictionary to understand what it is that you are eating. This one had sweet yellow cornmeal polenta topped with an organic summer stew of squash, sun-ripened tomatoes, mushrooms and a side of fragrant slow-cooked chard. (Take a look at the ingredient list of a Lean Cuisine or Weight Watchers frozen meal – you might be surprised.)  When you open the box and look at the food, it looks like something that I would have cooked and put in the freezer for a quick meal.

Now, I bought this meal because it sounded good, not because it was ‘light and lean.’  After discovering the nutrition facts, I wondered how many people would eat just this for lunch or dinner and think they are being ‘so good.’  Paired with a lean protein, this could be a very satisfying meal.  But on it’s own, it is not enough to eat.

When I got home, I looked at the “Southern Dinner” that I usually get – cornbread and beans with greens and sweet potatoes to see how this meal compared to the ‘light and lean’ one.  This meal has 310 calories and 7 grams of fat.  What’s wrong with this?  Why isn’t this one considered ‘light and lean?’

The mentality of many people in this culture is the lower or lighter the food is, the better.  My clients who severely restrict their eating because they are dieting or have an eating disorder eat ‘light’ like this all day long.  And they complain of being hungry all the time.  They also report craving carbohydrates like pretzels, bread or muffins.  And if they tend to ignore cues to eat and live with extreme hunger, they crave simpler carbohydrates like jellybeans and candy corn.  Sound familiar?

“Becoming familiar with your physiological hunger and working with vs. against it is helpful in avoiding overeating and/or feeling out of control” says Amy Tuttle of Nourishing Connections.   At Be Nourished, we work with clients to improving their meal mix by eating a combination of protein, fat and carbohydrate and they discover they are not hungry ALL the time.

Eating foods, meals, or snacks that provide us with a combination of carbohydrate, protein and fat helps keep our energy level up and our mood more manageable.  And it enables us think more clearly because our body and brain are receiving better fuel and we are not distracted by hunger. 

So the next time you are thinking about what to eat, consider composing your meals and snacks differently.  We’d love to hear what you discover along the way!

 

Why Did You Start Be Nourished?

We recently shared a bit about Be Nourished for the Association for Size Diversity and Health’s (ASDAH) newsletter.  Ever wondered what got Be Nourished started?  Here’s a little background:

Be Nourished  was founded on the simple intent to introduce others to the compassionate world of self-care that is Health at Every Size®. Our tagline is ‘change from a deeper place’, which is a way to express that we believe the process of an individual adopting HAES℠ is about connecting the tenets of this approach to the deepest, most supportive, integral aspects of self.  This practice truly creates a life of sustainable and pleasurable self-care and love.  Through our years of practice, we know now more than ever how these simple self-care principles become increasingly complicated in a dieting, fat-phobic culture.  Our role in our community is to speak strongly as advocates and to support our clients in building community around sustainable health practices that love them back.

 In 2005, Dana Sturtevant, MS, RD and Hilary Kinavey, MS, LPC of Be Nourished started facilitating groups to help women let go of food/weight obsession. Realizing that they shared a similar approach and philosophy regarding food, weight, body image and health – one directly counter to that of conventional institutional paradigms, the two decided to merge their practices to create a partnership that would offer a revolutionary approach to women seeking answers regarding eating disorders, weight loss, exercise, and nutrition.  Dana and Hilary developed and co-facilitate a 14-week Body Trust Wellness Program and teach the following six core competencies:  develop sustainable health practices, engage in joyful movement, practice intuitive eating, nurture self-compassion, develop body trust, and redefine success. 

Our personal paths to HAES were different, which has deeply enhanced our business partnership:

Dana’s journey to this work began when she met someone that really cared about how they treated their body.  This person was environmentally conscious of their food choices and led an active lifestyle.  She began to make lifestyle changes to take better care of herself and her environment.   A side effect of these changes was movement toward a natural, healthy weight.  These changes have been sustained for over 20 years.

After Dana worked in research for many years helping people make lifestyle changes to lose weight, she began to think that focusing on the number on the scale wasn’t useful.  She kept suggesting that the principal investigators stop weighing people and just focus on healthy lifestyle behaviors to improve health.  They, of course, thought she was crazy.  So she decided to build a private practice to incorporate the mindfulness and self-acceptance practices of yoga into her work to help people make changes from a deeper place.  It was at this time that she discovered the Health at Every Size community, which only strengthened her commitment to this work.

Hilary found HAES through trying to sort through her own long-term body hatred and misunderstood PCOS.  A compassionate and smart therapist helped her understand the incredible strength and the unlimited resource of her body—just as it is.  Such a radical introduction to what is truly possible instead of trying to “be healthy” through self-punishment, dieting and being ever focused on another “self-improvement” project. Growing in a belief that her body is a compassionate presence and endless resource for engaging in joyful living, Hilary finds her life endlessly expanding. As Hilary grew her counseling practice, she fell in love with the empowerment model that is at the root of HAES, and the rich and endless healing metaphor that is available when people explore their own relationship with their bodies and self-nourishment.  After 15 years, Intuitive Eating is now a way of life; one that is continually changing and deepening in it’s practice.  It’s never boring!

 As Be Nourished has grown over the years, we have begun responding to a need to introduce the actual practice of delivering HAES messages to other health care providers who are longing to do this work, but are often lacking the supportive language and clinical technique that makes HAES work in a therapeutic environment.  We have been speaking and offering trainings on using HAES in clinical practice and now combine this offering with training in motivational interviewing.  We are also invested in our work as adjunct professors at Lewis and Clark College in the Eating Disorder Certification program, a program with a dedication to presenting a HAES-based curriculum.

 Be Nourished is an evolving entity, just as the work in the HAES community often is.  We are grateful to have found the Association for Size Diversity and Health.  Never have we witnessed or been a part of a professional community that is so rooted in authentic support.  We see it in every posting and are so grateful, especially on those days when the work feels lonely, or that we are at the very bottom of a steep grade.  The strong and generous voices that appear in ASDAH are very clearly in the process of changing the world. 

Each of you, who even consider challenging the dieting mind are also changing the world.  We know that this is a challenging change process.  Becoming a follower of HAES and intuitive eating means separating yourself further from a world in which you may already feel that you don’t belong.  Acting on behalf of your own voice of health is a revolutionary act in our culture as it is today.  You are not alone.

 

Perimenopause and Menopause, Midlife Metamorphosis

By Susan Buhler, MSOM, LAc

What is Perimenopause and Menopause?

Chinese medicine sees perimenopause and menopause as a normal and important transition, which can be assisted to proceed smoothly, quickly, and without discomfort. It is important to understand that it is a naturally occurring transition and is not a disease! According to Chinese medical theory, it is a transition that allows a woman to live in good health once past the reproductive years, and is the body’s wisdom of energy conservation.

Perimenopause is defined as the transitional time period in a women’s life prior to the cessation of menses. Perimenopause is often characterized by increasingly irregular periods, increased or decreased menstrual flow, emotional fluctuations, sleep disturbances, heart palpitations, digestive upset, fatigue, depression, anxiety, headaches, hot flashes, night sweats, and often an increase in any PMS symptoms that previously existed. On average, perimenopause lasts for 3-12 months as the ovaries decline in their reproductive functioning. There is no clear definition or time frame of perimenopause, as its duration and symptomology are very different from woman to woman -- influenced by genetics, lifestyle, general health and life stresses.

Menopause is the permanent cessation of menses and fertility and is defined as occurring 12 months after the last menstrual period. The average age of menopause is around 47 years old, but can occur earlier or later. Symptoms may include the above signs and symptoms, with some improving and some symptoms seemingly becoming more intense. Hotflashes, nightsweats, heart palpitations, changes in libido and emotional fragility are common symptoms for women as they enter into the menopausal/post- menstrual years -- as their bodies adjust to a new energetic balance.

Though there are common symptoms associated with perimenopause and menopause, from a Chinese medicine perspective, these symptoms are viewed as energetic imbalances in the body that need re- balancing. It is notable that these symptoms and many more are easily treatable by Chinese medicine.

Chinese medicine treats each woman individually, taking into account the whole pattern of each patient's physical and mental-emotional symptoms. Treatment may include either one or a combination of herbal medicine, acupuncture, and/or specific exercises or lifestyle recommendations. Stress levels, lifestyle, and general health are important factors involved in response time.

Gynecology is an area in which Chinese medicine truly shines. Its treatment is humane, without side effects, and can safely and effectively treat a wide variety of disorders. Chinese medicine may be used instead of or in conjunction with Western medicine for the successful treatment of perimenopausal and menopausal discomforts. There are many advantages to the use of Chinese medicine during this time of transition as well as for a variety of other women's health concerns. 

Please join me Wednesday, February 29th at Be Nourished from 6 to 7 p.m. for a free discussion:

Part 1:
Perimenopause & Menopause, Midlife Metamorphosis
Navigating the Transition to a New Beginning 

Step into your path...

Susan Buhler, MSOM, LAc has been involved in holistic healthcare for over 18 years and is a practitioner of Chinese medicine at Be Nourished. She incorporates acupuncture and herbal medicine, and has a specialized focus in women’s health care. She can be reached at 971-216-9913. More information can be found here.

 

Building Body Trust in Relationship

By Teresa Weis, LPC, LMFT

Often times we hear people talk about working on one’s self before getting into a new relationship. “It’s time to work on yourself!”, “I can really get strong and figure my stuff out!” or even most powerfully, “You can’t love someone unless you learn to love yourself first!”.  While it’s important to actively support anyone’s desire to do this work, this life is rarely black and white and/or absolute.  We can’t always plan when we fall in love, or when we meet someone of interest.  And even when we do all the independent growth work in the world, building our awareness and strengthening/shifting into new healthier patterns, inevitably we may find ourselves in another relationship and quickly triggered back into old unhealthy patterns of interaction and relating. Even in the middle of a long-term relationship, an aware life means that growth and change can happen at any time.  How does one build the skills of interdependence while in a relationship?  How can one strengthen one’s own self care patterns when deeply engaged with a loved one? 

Each of us brings our own history, beliefs, values, assumptions, meanings and triggers to a relationship.  Even when we find partners that share many experiences, beliefs, values in common, we may still feel challenged, especially in the course of modern busy lives, to do the hard work of creating the life we want within the context of an intimate relationship.  A couple’s level of cohesion, communication and secure attachment can potentially exacerbate the difficulties of maintaining a new pattern, especially when this new pattern involves one’s relationship to food, weight, and body image.  It is the people with whom we live that we will more often share meals, see naked, share physical activities, insecurities and health concerns.  Our partner’s beliefs about food, weight, and dieting can impact our feedback loops and those impacts can range from strong support to insidious sabotage.  It is easy to declare, “I will TRUST my body” and can still be hard to maintain if the meaning our partner’s derive out of that statement is a far cry from our own newfound body wisdom and awareness.  Stepping into the Intuitive Eating world, building body trust, and stripping away our old protective coping skills to reveal this deeper connection to our emotional lives and needs, can potentially complicate our feelings about our relationships.  Our partners may not know how to respond or grow with us, and it may reveal hidden tensions, surprising feelings, and or misunderstandings.  Even partners with the best of intentions may still find themselves on the outside of the partner’s process, feeling supportive yet disconnected.

As many know and have experienced, it is possible to change and grow together…even around deeply vulnerable topics with often disparate histories such as food and weight.  How do we invite our partners (often more than willing in intention) along with us on this journey?  How do we bridge the gaps in understanding and unpack the triggers each brings to the conversation?  How do we transform the fear of change and its associated losses into a powerful vehicle towards deeper intimacy and mutual understanding?  How do we ask for what we need in ways that neither require parts of our new self to disappear again nor sabotage our needs to be loved and cared for?

At the February Body Trust Network discussion on February 4^th we invite you to join us for a skill-building workshop that addresses these questions and concerns.  We’ll identify the strengths you and/or your couple already possess and expand the ways in which you make use of those strengths to deeper your mutual understanding and intimacy especially around food and weight.  Join us to really explore how body trust looks in the context of a relationship and how the relationship can blossom as a result of this shared journey.

 

 

Gentle Nutrition

By Dana Sturtevant, MS, RD

A question I’ve been pondering since the New Year rolled around is “Why do people think they have to be ‘on a diet’ to eat healthier?  Why do we have to give up X, Y, and/or Z to make different food choices?  And why does the external structure of a diet feel more desirable than allowing your internal cues to tell you what to do?

When it comes to healthy eating, people believe they have to be perfect with food.  That healthy eating means no ‘this’ and never ‘that.’  This rigid thinking is hard to sustain, especially when we make so many decisions about food every day – when, what, how much, whether, etc, all day long. 

But people like to feel ‘in control.’  And if you’ve chronically been on a diet, it is hard to trust yourself to make the ‘right’ decisions when it comes to food. 

To reject the diet mentality, you have to recognize the damage that dieting has done. “If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating” (Tribole and Resch).  Dieting has eroded your ability to trust the choices that you make. 

We are all born with the natural ability to regulate our food intake.  Interference from well meaning parents, external messages from society and dieting behaviors disconnect people from it.  And people love to make healthy eating so complicated.

The truth is you do not have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain or lose weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating.  It is what you eat consistently over time that matters.  Progress not perfection is what counts. (Intuitive Eating by Tribole and Resch)

Unfortunately, people are afraid to take risks with their eating.  Our clients love to think, talk and read about Intuitive Eating, but when it comes to experimenting with food choices they feel paralyzed. 

You cannot learn to play the guitar by thinking, talking and reading about it.  You have to pick the guitar up and play it.  And it doesn’t sound great at first.  But with time and practice, you get better at it.  This is what happens with Intuitive Eating.  Instead of think we made a mistake, we think “what can I learn from this experience?”

So what is one small step you can take to eat better?  Pick one meal or snack of the day and start there.  Over time, you will notice that when eating healthy tastes good and it makes you feel better, you are much more likely to sustain the changes you make.  Remember, this is about trying different, not harder!

The Fat Trap

By Hilary Kinavey, MS, LPC

An important article was published in the New York Times magazine on 12/8/11. In her article titled  “The Fat Trap”, Tara Parker-Pope asks if we have to be “superhuman to lose weight.” I urge you to take some time to read it, but then come back here. There is more to the story.

You see, I think the common response when we hear or read about the true metabolic realities of weight loss, is to feel pretty let down. You might feel worried about being stuck in your uncomfortable “fat” feeling forever. You might even be entertaining thoughts of self-blame about the size of your body. Or feeling more body shame, wishing so much that you could find a plan that would really work this time so you don’t have to feel these things again.

The good news is that you are not stuck just because dieting doesn’t actually work. It is so very important to remember that you manage to stay skeptical of most marketing ventures that are directed your way (of which there are many!) The dieting and weight loss industries, in all their various forms, make up a $60 billion dollar industry that is highly dependent on repeat customers. They know it doesn’t work either. They blame you, shame you and tell you that you aren’t trying hard enough instead. This tactic tends to trump our efforts at remaining skeptical of them. Doesn’t that make you angry? Allow yourself a moment of that. The fact that dieting does not work for your physical bodies is not new news. Linda Bacon Ph.D, the author of Health at Every Size, has researched weight loss extensively and has reported similar findings.

This is the time of year when the desire to make changes in the name of weight loss is the loudest and the marketing is the heaviest. It is incredibly easy to find yourself lost in the dominant thought process about weight loss. This thought process is something like “weight loss is important for health”, “the changes I make to my health behaviors must result in weight loss to be productive”, “ I have to change who I am from the outside in to be better” or simply, “Thin = health.”

This is where we find that traditional weight loss is not sustainable psychologically as well. We do not change from the outside in, but from the inside out. It’s tough to make big changes when we are afraid we are not good enough, even though we desperately might want to. These efforts also do not tend to be sustainable. We can
not shame ourselves into change. It doesn’t work. If it did, it would have already happened.

Carl Rogers reminds us, ““The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” It is inevitably true. If traditional weight loss doesn’t work, then we are left to deal with what is really happening in us, the real stuff that Brene Brown says “gets in the way.” We frequently know when making food choices what works for us and what doesn’t, but that isn’t what we rely on in that moment of choice. Other psychological factors come into play. We also know that a lifetime (no matter how long) of body dissatisfaction and dieting really skews our beliefs about food and self-care. We almost have to de-program that “dieting mind” to reconnect to our bodies again. It’s true…and it’s possible.

Hope is not lost. There’s a whole world out there that can support you in real and sustainable health practices. Our resources page can introduce to some of our favorites. And let us know about what you find on your journey.

So tell us, what did you think about “The Fat Trap” article?